Author: betheman2016

Creating an atmosphere of trust, respect, and comfort involves active listening, open communication, and demonstrating empathy. Encourage open dialogue, value diverse perspectives, and be reliable to foster a sense of trust. Respect boundaries, acknowledge individual contributions, and provide a supportive environment to ensure comfort. Regularly check in with others, show genuine interest, and prioritize transparency to strengthen these essential elements in any relationship or setting.

Due to technology, we have lost the skills of social engagement.  Texts are just words , FaceTime and Zoom become temporary images. However, true communication is only available face to face. A motivational speaker does more than read out loud. A great salesman does more than repeat facts and statistics. Geronimo lead his troops with his warrior spirit.

The most important part of communication is the humanity. A successful lawyer knows exactly how to lead a jury in spite of whatever the client did. A suave lover controls the flow of interaction with the beautiful woman. A great cornerman brings out the beast in his fighter, no matter who the opponent.

Words are a small part of communication.  Don’t lose your power

Sometimes a bad situation is what you need. When everything is going well ( or just going ) we don’t seem to see what’s right in front of us. This year started like every other one so we continued like we’ve always done. Then all of a sudden we’re locked up.

The Coronavirus changed how we live. And while we are still trying to deal with it, there is a positive side to this. You can either take this as a vacation and get some rest, forcing you to make friends with your family again. Or you can use this to recharge, take charge, and charge ahead.

Most of my online friends are eating and drinking and smoking non stop. Since I have continued working, my vacation never happened. But I decided to exercise religiously since there is no where to go and nobody to hang out with. My diet has improved because there is no restaurant or junk food available. Most people say I don’t have enough time to workout consistently. Now you have nothing but time. Gyms are closed but the floor is there for pushups, situps and burpees. Jumping jacks, air squats and mountain climbers can be done wherever and whenever.

Next, clean out your closet. Throw out things you don’t wear or that don’t fit. Iron wrinkled shirts you have smashed up ( that was my first weekend). And when you try those clothes on, take a good look in the mirror. See your skin, teeth. Two other things to work on. Over the counter teeth whitening products will make a difference because you can actually follow instructions now. Exfoliate, moisturize, drink water. Your face will show results once you return to the world.

And as you externally improve, you have developed good habits to carry in the future. This is an opportunity to start building and developing a routine that you normally wouldn’t have had the chance to. Habits take time to stick, so you have to be consistent. Whether you make a schedule to workout or decide 25 pushups 4 times a day, just do it. I prefer to do my things at night, so I automatically have my weights ready or a scrub for my face depending on the day of the week.

   While the world looks around to see what will happen, we can look within and see how good we can be. Make this your training camp so when the bell rings and we climb back to fight of life, you can confidently charge forward. When everyone else is getting back on their feet, you are standing strong.

Now the most important difference between the you who first closed that door and the man who walks out is that you took charge. That decision to sharpen the sword while everyone else complained how bored it is, is what makes you the better man.

I was just telling a friend about the Anthony Joshua fight. Although he did win and he made the necessary adjustments, I felt it wasn’t a success. Defeat is a rude awakening. It exposes you to flaws which you either ignored or were totally unaware of. But defeat also challenges you to improve or cower in your own tears.

This opportunity allows you to analyze, grow, and recreate into a better version of yourself. This is also how one has to reflect on rejection. Whether applying for a job or when approaching a woman, there is always the chance of rejection.

This however is not defeat. If you are rejected there are only two reasons why this could happen. One is that there is a flaw in what you offer and needs to be corrected. But that is probably something you are already aware of. So, like Joshua did, you improve and continue.

But what I believe is that if you know you have presented what you believe is the best that you are, then the failure in your goal has nothing to do with you. It could be them. The employer had someone else in mind so no matter what you did it wasn’t going to make a difference. And if it is a woman you are attracted to it is probably her. You may just not be her type. She may like tall, dark, fat, or whatever her preference is. If you know you are at your best, you cannot blame yourself or even her. She might not even be aware of her type, so you have to be ready to move on. Not gloat, or get depressed or blame.

I know there is nothing wrong with me. How could she not find me attractive ! Maybe she is involved with someone. Or it could be a fresh break-up. All things that are out of your control. But who you are is within your control. So you must keep yourself on point all the time. Not for anyone else but yourself. The great heavyweight champion Emelianenko always trained the same for every fight. He believed when at his best, no one could defeat him . His trainers adjusted sparring and strategy to opponent, but he was always the same.

That is where you must believe you are. I can’t be taller, rich or anything that I am not. But that doesn’t matter. As long as I can be the best me , it is all I need because this is all I have. And it is more than good enough to succeed.

Winter brings a whole different challenge. More than just the cold, which is expected , but shorter days and extended darkness. This brings mental stress on top of the physical battle against the elements.

For the average, weaker man this is a period of weight gain, depression and general inactivity. But instead it should be used as a time for repair or construction. Since you will be spending more time indoors, that is the opportunity to lift or workout ( whatever you do ) more because you can. Holiday season is the worse for maintaining a good diet but if you are increasing your exercise, it will not be a negative.

What I find the greatest harm the cold does is to your skin. Cold air and wind dries and chaps your face. We must drink more water , which most don’t realize because we are not sweating like we do during the summer. But in order for your body to generate heat it requires more water. Another thing we need is sunscreen in December. The Sun does as much damage in all seasons. Since I work mostly outdoors, I am constantly exposed to the elements so my skincare is very important.

When I leave my house in the morning I make sure I use a moisturizer with SPF. Lately I’ve been using Nivea or Aveeno products because they are less greasy. The key is just using a little but spread all over. Although my main reason is vanity, cold air dries and peels your skin. But a moisturizer keeps your face protected with the natural oils in each product.

Just as important is your bedtime care. During your sleep, the body repairs itself. It’s when you build muscle and immune system recharges. Your skin is also part of the repairing program at night so it presents another opportunity to care. I use Nivea Essentially Enriched Body Cream. I should be using a product specifically created for my face but I take my sleep seriously so I found 1 product that serves all purposes.

By maintaining a consistent regimen, there won’t be much of a difference if I should miss a day. Just like working out, as long as you regularly keep doing the right thing you will get positive results. While you don’t have to be perfect, the more work you put in, the easier it becomes. Good habits are vital in all aspects of life, however starting is always the hardest step. But any positive act is a step closer to being the best you can be.

It is important to look good.

This is a fact I stress to everyone. First impressions last forever. Right or wrong, we all make them. Sometimes we don’t get a second chance to recover. So it is to our benefit that we don’t start off the wrong foot.

We are always making observations and judgements throughout the day. Everything influences what we think and how we feel. Which is why we should always keep things to our advantage. It is a proven fact that appearance matters. That’s why the saying ” Don’t judge a book by the cover ” exists. Because we all do.

But there is a big difference between ” looking good” and being “good looking”. Looking good is being the best you can. This is all within your control. There is no grey area, you either do or don’t. Good looking is a gift. Your height, face, body ( for the most part ) are genetic gifts from your parents. Those born with these advantages have a head start on you but that does not mean you cannot compete.

The problem is if you’ve made a bad first impression, you’re swimming upstream to change someone’s opinion of you. A major basis of this first impression and subsequent judgement is based on a person’s attractiveness. Psychologists call this the “What is beautiful is good” effect – we immediately have a positive impression of a person if he’s attractive and a negative impression if he’s unattractive.

Of course, as time goes on people will eventually see the true. However, if it’s a job interview, a hook up with a chick, you may never get the opportunity to shine. That initial image you presented may eliminate you before you ever had a chance. So always be prepared, not to impress anyone else but for yourself. As you become accustomed to always look good, it becomes second nature. You will never be caught on a bad day because there are no bad days.

Not only will people think of you as that great, attractive positive guy, more important, you will believe it also. As that grows within, it will reflect in all that surrounds you.

Sometimes you seriously attempt to make a change but really don’t know where to start or how much is actually required to do so. And more than likely you don’t have friends you are comfortable enough to ask. So what I always go by are celebrities whose looks I admire. But realistically they have to be similar in body and skin tone . The key is not to copy but imitate.

This is difficult for some because even though you admire or relate to a celebrity, not everything they wear is for you. It’s the same thing with any media source about fashion. Most of the things you see are crazy. But that is their purpose, to stand out. A plain common style won’t get noticed, but wild outrageous will. But the key for you is to look at the pieces, not the whole. Find 1 thing that seems to fit who you are.

It’s just like following a celebrity. Look at basic elements they use. One of my big influences is Steve McQueen. He wore lots of thick, rugged sweaters. He used denim and leather a lot, fitting in with his rugged personality. But he also looked great in fitted suits. So that is most of my wardrobe. I grew up admiring the King of Cool, and also grew into not quite the King but at least a member of his court. 😉.

The key is follow certain basic elements of that celebrity style. Fabrics, color preferences, fit to develop your own style. Remember, they are usually dressed by someone or given a wardrobe by a brand looking for him to push. While I like the Tom Ford line ( he does Daniel Craig , James Bond ) I relate more to Tom Hardy. Find someone as a starting point and use that as a foundation for your own style. Any little change is growth to being your own man, which is who we were all meant to be.

I know if I lose focus, it is easy for me to fall. However, I tend to be very driven most of the time so it doesn’t happen often . The reason I believe is that I tend to keep myself occupied all the time. I always have something to do so my time is hardly ever free. Even my social time is planned because it coincides with my professional plans. Everything is related to what and who I am so I hardly go off track.

With that being said I have to use my time intelligently. So my time working out is extremely important to me but also extremely limited. However I found a way to maximize my workout when I have no time. I use Occlusion techniques for my arms and legs. Blood flow restriction, BFR training is the layman’s explanation for Occlusion, which limits the flow of blood when working the muscles . By limiting the blood flow, you use much less weight for much less time and get the same results. As the years of martial arts and lifting have built my body , it also has damaged my body. So BFR allows me to work as intense ( the only way I do anything) without hurting days after. When I lift with my son , who is stronger than me , he gets crazy vascular and definition. And this is all accomplished in 10 minutes !

My weightlifting goals now in my 50’s have changed from my younger years. I choose to have general fitness as a priority and aesthetics ( vanity ! ). My competitive days are behind me but I work with the same intensity. I am still capable, but I have learned my strength lies more in my knowledge and experience. So in order to perform at the ability that I expect from myself, I have to realistically determine my needs to accomplish. And I find a way to prioritize my needs and wants because the effort it takes to make excuses, will be channelled to pushups, exfoliating and doing positive actions.

There are a lot of things we cannot control but that which I can will not be wasted. I plan on going forward and smiling everyday for having another chance to attack, or embrace all life offers.

Success, especially early can be a bad thing. I don’t mean groundbreaking, million dollar win but easy progress early on. We get comfortable because things have been easy and that makes it difficult to change. And the hardest part is convincing yourself that change is needed in order to continue.

But change doesn’t always have to be so drastic. Sometimes a slight tweak is the spark needed. The main reason is that while the thing we did brought us to that point, WE have changed. In karate we do the same drills every class. A white belt does the same basics a black belt does. However there is a big difference between how they do them. The technique is the same, but how they are executed are miles apart.

So it is with that open mind we need to vary our workout, diet, and style. While you always have a signature style, how we tweak it is what makes you stand out. And it is the little things, a pocket square, a pocket watch , that shines above all. The average man tries to blend in, the Alpha always stands out.

When I decided to write, my goal was not to give instructions. I did not want a “How to ” book ( blog ), but instead I saw guidance as the best choice . Too many ” experts ” show you step by step how to succeed but you never really learn how to do anything on your own.

At the beginning, if you are totally lost, you might need exact instructions. But as you continue to learn , you gain the most with your own experience. And that is the key to any beneficial lesson. I can’t tell you what I do and expect the same result. And by the same token, when you explain what your going through I can’t live through your eyes. So what I do is tell you how to be better prepared but only you can climb in the ring ( everything is a fight ! ).

You cannot evolve if all you do is copy. If you go by a script, you will never be honest with yourself and that is the confidence you need to believe in. So you take what you need to go forward, and as you get comfortable, find little tweaks to make it your own. The easiest example is clothing. Fit is the most important quality of how you dress, but shades, layers and most importantly are accessories that will truly distinguish you. Those details are what will make you stand out and also create your own unique persona.

And that is how your confidence will grow as all else you tackle because you have that inner strength. Your small jabs, whether they land or not, set up the big punches. So when you get that great haircut, or those brogues you’ve been wanting, it all matters. Not the actual thing but how it makes you feel. All those positive things build the image you want and believe in. It doesn’t matter if people see just the shoes, or the watch or smell Sauvage ( my latest acquisition). More important is who you see in the mirror. The better version that you are becoming is what matters to you.

As you continue to progress it may seem that you have changed but in reality you have grown. You can wear a costume and play make believe but if you truly want to improve you must trust. The hardest but most important voice to listen to is your own. Honestly see where you are and imagine where you want to be. As you continue to step by step the path becomes clearer but not always easier. However the more you walk, the closer to your goals you get. And there will be stumbles and even roadblocks, but that is where you will define who you are. It’s not a race but a lifestyle.

Confidence is a word that is used often. It is over used as the answer to almost every self help question. But it is much more complicated than that. There is a big difference between true confidence and arrogance. However to the outsider it is hidden until tested.

In order to be confident, you really need to believe in yourself. And that can only be achieved by action. What ever it is you are doing, positive or negative , affects your attitude. As do all your accomplishments contribute to your well being, no matter how small. It all depends on your point of view. As long as you keep progressing , it will build your self esteem, and creating a more confident mindset than before. But the key is consistency.

One salad does not make you a vegetarian. But continued good habits will grow into stronger will power. That carries on to other aspects, once you start believing in yourself. And as you follow your new ( or renewed ) path, you see for yourself what you are capable of doing.

No matter what aspect of your life you have chosen to improve, the Way is within your grasp. The hardest thing is to honestly observe what you have done to get there and what you need to do to achieve further success. And that success is what contributes to your confidence. Not walking around with your chin up and shoulders blocking the street. (You should be doing that anyway !!!!). But inner strength is what builds character, not outward appearance.

I am a firm believer in body language, but as a reflection of yourself, not the sole essence. You may fool a few people, but unless you truly believe that is part of who you really are, the person you are lying to is yourself. And as soon as you are tested or challenged, the hardest fall isn’t in the eyes of others but to yourself. So be the best version of yourself because it is all you have, but never give up on dreams, and keep seeking improvement. We are a work in progress and are capable of much more than we give ourselves credit.

With the change of seasons, there must be an adjustment of your up keep. The same way you winterize your car, you have to maintain your body. The drastic drops in temperature and windy days do as much damage to your skin as baking in the sun.

Moisturizer and sunblock are all year round necessities. I work outdoors and have a skin illness so sunblock is especially important. But the elements do a lot of harm to your face and hands. And the longer you expose your skin , the longer it takes to heal and recover. As we get older, the recovery process becomes less and we get permanent scars, wrinkles and peeling. And what most forget is that your lips are very sensitive and can be very painful if neglected. Cracked lips hurt 24/7 if you allow it to get that far. It goes beyond just looking bad, but harming yourself which affects your daily life.

Every winter I get at least 1 outbreak of dandruff. Since I wear a cap , I always end up with sweaty or dry scalp. Then I got a wool knit cap last Christmas and never had a problem. It seems that the natural fibers breathe and allow air flow so your head has a more regulated atmosphere. When your hair is as important as your clothes or physique, everything matters !

The other thing that most get confused are supplements. They market Vitamin C and Zinc as cold prevention but it isn’t so. Of course fortifying your immune system is always good but it does not prevent illness. A virus can hit you any time. The advantage of supplements is in the recovery, not prevention. But good health is valuable all seasons.

I’m a big classic rock fan, something I picked up in the 80’s, not when the actual music was happening. So yesterday I’m back at my gym ( check last post ) and I see this guy wearing a Led Zeppelin shirt . It was the Icarus ( or fallen angel ) shirt. My son ,who I got into Led Zeppelin and Jimi Hendrix , always talks about the symbolism of this.

The seventies was a time of revolution, major changes in politics, style and society. And I see the same way that generation took risks, so should we. Although it wasn’t done with the intention of setting an example for future generations, it allowed us to be at the point where we are, especially socially. However, just like the past generation they rebelled against, they ( we ) now complain about the next ones.

But as long as there is change and growth, there is progress. Even if it is misguided, there will be benefits. But the only way to achieve anything is to try. And with any venture, there will be failure. If we focus on failure, allow others ( who play it safe ) to scare you, success will never be achieved.

I recently read that beta males dress to fit in, while Alphas dress to stand out. Winners get rewarded, not runner up. So we should always go for the gold. Be the champ, but if we do not reach our goals we know we gave it our best. The guys who laugh at your loss never even entered the race. But that is what separates the boys from the men.

There will be defeats, we will fall, there will be total disasters. But you get up. You try again. Refuse to be defeated. There is greatness in all of us. Icarus didn’t die a failure, he reached for glory and it cost him his life. Any sacrifice you make is nothing comparable. So shoot your shot. Swing for the fences. Climb in the ring, because it is the only way to win.

I haven’t been working out like I would like all winter. I work lot’s of hours 6 days a week, which I can handle, but that means little time for other things. So I decided to stay lean rather than get soft, which resulted in losing a lot of size ( muscle ). Once the busy season ended, I joined a gym , pulled out my protein powder and my secret supplement, Bio-Gro . The first couple of weeks I went 3x and was feeling really good. Not as strong but felt and looked good.

But as the summer and my social life continued, the gym fell off. Now the summer is ending and I’m just a little bit better than when I started. As I mentioned this to my son, he says that is an easy fix. I go with him to his gym one day and I’m back !

Instead of making excuses and convincing myself why I couldn’t go, we just went. As long as I thought there was a problem, it continued to exist. The small, simple and obvious answer was just to do it. Even though I have been working out for decades, I still fell in a rut. The little act of getting there was all I needed. The little things matter because we cannot reach the goal without taking that first step.

There is no easy way to get results. But every step you take leads you closer. Every pebble we add builds the mountain. The longer we wait and overthink, the harder it becomes. Not in reality, because it’s still the same step, but in our head. That is the biggest challenge, not doing what we want but conquering the ideas we created why we couldn’t.

That is the approach one must take whether it is to improve our physique, wardrobe or success with women. Instead of repeating what would happen if you fail, just go and make that move. Failure isn’t the worst thing that can happen, never giving yourself a chance to succeed is. Don’t let regret be the common theme of your life.

I have been thinking about this post for a long time. My mind went from one extreme to the other. I was afraid to come off as grumpy old man or even worse, an elitist. I had been at odds about sneakers. Even though I tend to be more casual than formal, I still found it hard to stylish as an adult wearing sneakers.

The problem I have is that the popular, street style sneakers are loud and bright , which is fine for someone young trying to draw attention. But as an adult ,your shoes should compliment your style, not be the other way around. Yet when someone has nice shoes, you notice. That is the subtle difference.

However I noticed with the athlesiure style being so popular, sneakers are a common element. But not running or basketball shoes but leather or suede finish. I totally see how white low key tennis shoes fit in ( Stan Smith ). But the picture on top sealed the deal.

As you already know, my idol is Steve McQueen, the King of Cool. So when my buddy from Soho Cigar Bar sent me this pic and mentioned his footwear, it changed everything. And just as set as I was before about sneakers, I now have done a total about face ( sort of ).

Certain sneakers are compatible in certain situations. So is my point of view and opinions so flexible and almost contrary to all I say or do ? Absolutely, that is what style is all about. I can change what I wear and more importantly how I wear it at any moment. Because I am totally comfortable in who I am I am not scared to take risks. While I have a certain style and general attitude, I can also carry any other look because I believe in me. And that confidence is what makes anything you say, wear or do be a success.

There is a Tyler Durden in everybody. We may not look like Brad Pitt, but appearance is only part of the arsenal. Confidence in spite of not being a movie star is much more powerful. That is the real Fight Club !

Every day there is a new great idea to be marketed. Organic has been added to every product lately. Vegan, gluten free , range free, always a description of pre process ( another bad word). But unless you are eating it, the purpose of any product stays the same. I lately have used 2 products with a new angle, Charcoal.

The last couple of years I have been very focused on teeth whitening. One , because I love smoking strong cigars and drinking lots of black coffee all day long. And when my girlfriend is in town, red wine is added to that mix. All of the most tooth staining activities you can do and I enjoy them all. In order to whiten and shine, bleach is the best formula ( hydrogen peroxide ) . I have found that between polishes and gels applied in trays have the quickest and most noticable results. But first you must remove any stains in order to get the maximum achievement. And for the last month I have been using charcoal powder to clean my mouth. It’s a little awkward and messy at first because of the fine and very black powder. However the results are amazing. The charcoal is coconut that has been processed, so you get a clean, non toxic product.

The other item I had read about online but wasn’t in a rush to get. As you already know from previous postings, I keep a consistent care of my skin. Where my teeth are actually a health need, my face is primarily a vanity issue as is partially my fitness ( bodybuilding). The true health concern I have is the use of sunscreen because of a reoccurring illness, wrinkle prevention is a plus. So walking through the mall , I go into an overpriced beauty store, with very made up young girls. After looking at the Kim Kardashian posters I see a face mask on a shelf. As I read the box, a salesgirl starts explaining the ingredients and directions for use. My girlfriend gives me a bodycheck and I leave with an overpriced mask. Weeks later , using as described, my skin is very smooth and hydrated. However, while the mask is obviously working, I don’t think an inexpensive one would be any weaker. Probably for my age and the outdoor exposure I take , this is the better choice, but I would suggest any clay mask would help the average guy.

But in my twisted, driven mind, I am not satisfied with just being average, I continue to search ( and spend ) for whatever could give me any edge. They say, you ain’t trying if you ain’t cheating. Well Eddie Guerrero would be proud of me, because I am doing all I can to get my hand raised at the end of the day !

A few weeks ago my son and I saw our favorite heavyweight fighter, Fedor was scheduled to fight. We were sad he was still fighting because he hasn’t won his last couple of matches and after years of dominating the cage. So we stayed home and went to bed early.

Fighters are always the worst athletes to know when to retire. The difference between winning and losing amongst top ranked fighters is slim, but once you lose that edge it is over. You may still be just as fast, strong and train as hard but if you’re reflexes are not as sharp, you are just a regular man. So when a champion has a long reign it is special. And those men are honored and idolized. But they are still just men.

Which is why it is sad to see them fall. We remember the glorious triumphs and suffer the loses as if it was our own. So our dreams and distraction from reality exists once the bell rings. But they are still men so as time catches up to them , they become subject to our reality. The reality we forgot as we climbed in the ring and revisited the spotlight. And that hurts even more because they were living our dreams.

Which is why we have to live and enjoy the now. Every great fight, dinner, conversation ( cigar! ) Is important. We must not put off for later what we enjoy because that opportunity may not be available. Not to live a life of total disregard but to live a full and satisfying life. So every victory and defeat is savored because in order to win or lose you must climb into the cage. You cannot be a spectator in life but an active participant. Until you actually do something you are only a dreamer. So we must run, lift, sing, drink (fuck) and take advantage of every second we live.

And Fedor won 1st round knockout !

. The saying goes, it’s the little things that make all the difference. That is very true in all cases. Because the little things are what stand out when all the big things are in place. And equally so when it is something negative, it is easily remembered. So attention to detail is key.

Bill Buckner is a famous, successful athlete who caught thousands of baseballs hit towards him yet has gone down in sports history because of one that went through his legs. Kim Kardashians career in Hollywood started off with a sextape which usually is the kiss of death. Why is one different than the other ? In reality there is no difference. What distinguishes one from the other is how the person involved handled it. That ” small” detail is the vital key to success.

How that relates to us is that we cannot allow a flaw, weakness or mishap define us. We have to keep all positive actions going because that is where we build strength. Do not focus on what we don’t have but relish all that is good.

When Mike Tyson was champ , you knew he was the baddest man in the planet. He was insulted when anyone dared to challenge him. His downfall came when he stopped doing the things that gave him the capability. As he stopped believing, so did everyone else. Which is the worst defeat any man can suffer.

You always want to give a memorable impression. Although visual is the first sense and the most powerful, it is not alone . And the more senses you stimulate, the more positive influence you create. So in order to invoke the prominent aura , we must utilize all weapons available. ( The fight analogies never stop ).

One of the most powerful yet least appreciated is fragrance. When used properly, it sneaks in and becomes another major force. The key is to make it subtle, because when overpowering it appears more of a cover up for poor hygiene. Your cologne should not enter a room before you nor linger after you exit. A signature fragrance is a very powerful tool.

Once you understand how this can be utilized, we need to take this to the next level. The cologne I use during the day is different than my night one. And if I am going to a social event, as opposed to a drink or dinner, I also have a more formal fragrance. Although I work construction, I wear a light, citrus ( inexpensive) cologne. Yet it always get noticed because it is an unexpected surprise. I like a warm summer fragrance that reminds me of happy , tropical vacations.

Now night calls for a different, fuller scent. I choose a deep masculine cologne because that is my style. I wear a heavy sweater, thick fabrics so a light fragrance doesn’t match. I still keep the fit my primary option , thus keeping true to my character and the image I choose to project. And the more you reinforce that concept to others, the stronger the impression you leave.

A huge part of who we are is how we deal with others. Our family, friends and all other relationships reflect us as individuals. Part is who we choose to be with, and also how we maintain those alliances. These interactions not only affect what we do, but how we feel.

Some guys always have a co-worker they can’t get along with, friends and family they fight with or don’t talk to, and bad or no female relationships at all. That isn’t coincidence, it is how they deal with others. Not everyone will be your friend or even like you, and that is ok. Some connections are better kept at a distance or non existent. But when it is of a personal or necessary matter, it is vital to be kept strong and happy. That is why people totally support a leader who is loved than a dictator that once loses power is assassinated.

The common factor in all these situations, whether successful or failure is you. Anyone can have a bad neighbor, workplace or friend, but when you have many of these occurrences you need to rethink the scenario. And most causes are stubbornness, inflexibility or combativeness. Sometimes just keeping quiet and holding your opinion or feelings to yourself is the hardest thing to do. But it will save you so much grief, especially in circumstances where you have no choice.

This becomes verbal judo. Where your choice of words, volume and tone control the interactions. Anyone who talks for living ; lawyer, salesman, bartender knows that your success is not what is said but how and where the conversation is going. If you choose to argue , be ready for a fight. If you choose to speak AND listen you will be in position to benefit. And in judo, positioning and balance are the keys to success.

. One of the most ridiculous statements anyone can make is ” I don’t care what anybody thinks “. If you make that announcement, obviously you do because you are letting it be known. And if you want people to know, you care what they think. It is impossible to not care unless you are a hermit living in a cave or mountain alone. But as long as you interact with anyone, it does matter.

As a society we all have roles and how we approach them is what singles us out as individuals. Whether you blend in the crowd or stand alone as a rebel , it is all relative to the whole. And everything we do, such as haircut, how we dress and socialize is a reflection of who we are within that group.

However if you react to your group, society, workforce or even family as a rebel, their opinion has affected you. It doesn’t matter whether you are fighting against or fighting to leave, it still is the same fight, just different goals.

The true positive statement is to only care about the people who matter to you. Society really doesn’t care about you but the girl next door might. Your company doesn’t even know you exist, but your boss has a direct influence. Your family and close friends are important because they also are part of who you are on a personal level.

And by being who you truly are , to this close circle is what matters. While we are aware how we affect others, we should honestly care about those that matter. Once we realize that those who know and care for you not only accept who you are but welcome you in their lives, is when you can sincerely embrace your individuality and be the man you are capable of being.

       Many have the right, plan, the right mindset and everything in place yet still fail to succeed.  I truly believe in consistency, hard work, paying your dues and the rest of those cliches. Whatever your goals are,  your focus and dedication are required to achieve any degree of success.  Now to what level of success you reach is totally individual, but with that constant dedication you will improve dramatically. ” One cheat meal won’t ruin your diet the same as one salad doesn’t make you a vegetarian “.

         But the common thing I have found with people who have been unsuccessful with any endeavor is that they quit too soon. Everyone is looking for the quick,  easy fix but nothing is truly gained that way. If something is attainable suddenly, the benefits are lost just as fast. Most wuick weight loss is mostly water, which returns to your body as soon ss you go back to your normal life.  Even steroids, the quick muscle fix, takes time but most gains , size and strength diminish greatly,  plus the risks you put your organs through. So by starting a new program , regiment or even diet takes time. 

        What happens is that we expect instant or drastic results.  And there is a good chance that they will occur but we give up too soon. Not everyone shows or reacts the same so the average person loses faith. And you never give your hard work a chance to fulfill your desired results. The most ironic part of this is that you probably were a few days away from success.  After years of bad habits or not attempting the goals we seek, we now have no patience to realize the objective right in front of us. And that’s where our true growth and purpose is. Not to succeed as an end, but to battle and achieve the goals that we value as individuals, not what society shows but what we truly feel is our happiness. We gain not by crossing tje finish line but by running the race. 

        Fall is my favorite season. Now, I hate the cold, don’t really care so much about World Series or NFL  ( go Jets !) ,but as soon as October rolls around I get happy. Since my son is grown, holidays aren’t as important anymore so that aspect of Autumn is gone also. However as the temperature slowly drops and the sunlight gets less and less, it allows my favorite aspect of style to come out, layering.

               It’s not just throwing on a jacket or sweater anymore. You can combine colors and textures safely now. And I say ” safely ” because if you are not very daring in color choices, they will not stand alone. The red shirt is now only partially visible under a v neck sweater.  An Oxford shirt looks good peeking out of a Harrington jacket. I happen to use these examples because this was the style of my favorite, Steve McQueen.  I have a few heavy cardigans inspired by his look, masculine yet subtle. 

     Which happens to fit in with what really inspires ( drives me crazy) .I  find men’s fashion has gone way too feminine and that has affected society, or is it the other way around ? We all have to be comfortable with who we are,  macho or not, but not instead of being men. The kind of men who fought wars, built this country or came to this country to build their families future.  We can’t lose they’re sacrifice to fit in. When Alexander the Great said I came,I saw, I conquered, he didn’t give a fuck about being politically correct. Today he wouldn’t be watching the Kardashians, he would be smashing them. So should you !

           Your mind is your strongest weapon.  And like any weapon, used improperly can do as much harm to you as to anyone else. Which is why we control not only what we think but how much or often we think. That doesn’t mean just act reckless, but overthinking  

          There is the dangerous point. Once you get an idea in your mind, you need to take action as soon as possible.  The time in between can ruin your chances of success.  Because in that period of time your mind can play out many different scenarios, which will include some form of failure. Even if you don’t see that, by creating results or consequences of your actions, if things don’t go as you envisioned, it could have a negative effect. 

            Every time we think about any situation,  and start imagining who things turn out, we are leaving an opening for failure.  Not in reality, but in our head.  So we either scare ourselves waiting for something bad to happen or even worse, decide not to take that step we had at one time envisioned. 

        And that in itself is the greatest loss. Because whatever the opportunity we thought about ( especially if it’s approaching a woman ) , it will never happen. And once that shot is lost you then stay thinking how stupid you were for letting it go.

       And just as bad is then deciding let me inch my way over there and see if they notice me. Instead of being invisible, you have now become the weak, scared non threatening  ( or interesting ) guy. What you just lost is the key element of interest, confidence. That strong posture, eye contact and smile that convey a strong personality are hidden during that all important first impression. 

              That’s why all those rehearsals in your head fail. They go beyond the moment, which is all you really have. In a fight ( my go to analogy), the cornerman just gives a few simple instructions. The rest just plays out. The more you complicate things, the greater the opportunity to fall. 

       So as long as you act , as you feel, believe in yourself, or at least give that impression, thing will flow naturally. There is no guarantee for success, but if you never try, then you are guaranteed to never achieve.

              I eat well most of the time. Partially because of my health and fitness goals . But mostly because I never had much of an appetite and don’t enjoy food as much as most normal people . But it is an important factor for health and fitness so we have to pay attention to what we eat. And everyone knows the basic protein, carbs veggies but what else?

       In order to stay strong and lean they say small portions, numerous times a day. But most of us don’t have the time for 3 good meals.  So we need to add other “healthy” snacks. Ideally fruit is the best choice because it is easy to buy and carry. It is also full of vitamins and fiber, 2 things our diets don’t always supply. But that corn muffin looks real good. Corn is a vegetable and a muffin is bread right ? Wrong. That muffin is cake and loaded with butter and sugar. 

       My other weakness are protein bars. Whether granola, peanut butter or chocolate, these are whey ( or worse soy ) filled candy bars. I see many guys eat them as a meal, like a sandwich replacement.  While there is nutritional content, it is nothing close to real food. But the sugar content is horrible. And to me that is the worst enemy. 

        Even seemingly bland things, like rice cakes, my newest fad can be ruined. I bought a cinnamon flavored pack, that had my teeth tingling ( sensitivity ) and my face breaking out like I was 15 again !. But I continued another week until I couldn’t take it anymore. Now my plain rice cakes get peanut butter. But the key is that even food can be prepared and packaged poorly. Read ingredients because it really makes a difference. Right now I’m sleeping really well and eating properly. I am not going to a gym now but still workout 4 or 5 days a week. 

          So in order to look and feel good ,the food element is a really crucial part. So Trader Joe is a regular stop and my pile of supplements daily. because  I  know as I get older, small things make a big difference.  And since I love my cigars and beer over the weekend,  I do whatever it takes to look and feel good Monday through Friday.

               Most people struggle with diet. It is way to easy to cheat because this challenge is 24/7.  However whatever your goals are physically, diet is the key. But one of the most dangerous things you can do is use a scale. 

       Unless exact weight loss is your goal, a scale can do as much harm as good. When you check your weight on a regular basis there are many things to take into consideration. Are you always weighing yourself at the same time ? Are you always wearing the same amount of clothes ? These things affect your numbers. But this isn’t a true gauge of your fitness or image goals. 

        Have you ever seen someone who loses weight and doesn’t look good at all ( not because of illness). Not all weight loss is good and visibly appealing. Usually quick weight loss is water, which returns very quickly. But in order to look and feel good you must eat properly , no matter what you do. A tweak in protein, carbs and especially quantity make a big difference.

     Which is why I say, Don’t let a scale control your diet and weight. Judge how you feel and secondary how you look ( which are very much related ). At this stage as an adult we already know our bodies and what realistically needs to be done. There is no instant shortcut , bit the steady process actually helps in the ling run.  This way we are forced to create good habits and be consistent. It makes your end result that much more satisfying because you put in the work required. And once you start seeing the change in you, there follows others noticing changes. And that will inspire you to continue to improve and upgrade yourself to be a better man.

        I truly believe fit is the most important factor . As long as what you have on is clean, the fit will make you look good. Of course quality and style will add enormously, but most important is the fit. And although I say, stretch your limits, break from your comfort zone, it doesn’t always work. Not all styles will “fit” everyone.

        What works for one guy may not work for you. That doesn’t mean you can’t dress like that but you must be realistic. Which is why i say you move gradually as you experiment with looks. Instead of buying a couple of Suits like George Clooney wears, start with a blazer. If you feel good, then pursue that image. But as you continue to experiment and spread your wings, trust yourself. The fit is not just external. The “feel” is just as important. If you are not comfortable, it will extremely difficult to be confident. You don’t want your new image to be a costume, but a reflection. If The clothes are just on you, and not an expression it convinces no one, least of all yourself. You become Patroclus, the soldier who wore Achilles armor to battle. 

          The goal is to create, not copy. 

            I have started and stopped this posting about six times. Which is usually the amount of time for 3 separate articles. There has been a lot going on ( mostly good ) but I  have been very scatterbrained so my focus is not as sharp as I needed. However that is no excuse not to get back in the saddle and get back to business. 

        I  usually do that because it is very easy to get in a funk and dwell on it. As we over think our faults , we lose our drive . Instead of looking where we are going, we only see where we stumbled. And the danger is that it is very easy to feel sorry for ourselves, and even doubt if it was the right choice. This makes it even harder to get motivated again since we have just added a stronger resistance, our own mind. 

           Another common response is anger. We blame either ourselves or someone else for our failure ( which could be correct actually ). Here the danger is that the anger distracts from our true goal and instead captures your attention totally.  Now all you think about is how you messed up or someone did you wrong. How do I get him back, or you keep punishing yourself mentally.  A lot of energy and time is lost there, when you should be using this as a lesson. I relate everything to fighting and in a championship fight there are 12 rounds  ( 15 back when men were men !). If a fighter gets knocked down in a round, you don’t let him focus on that. You put that round behind you, learn what was the big mistake and get back on your plan. There are many rounds and you will lose a few.  But it’s not the whole fight. If you stay in that round you have already lost. Pick your hands up, get back in the center of the ring, aware of what happened before, but back on the plan that got you there in the first place. The only way you will succeed is by continuing until you succeed. 

  When we think of our image , most believe it’s how we look. That is a just a portion of what influences. In reality our “look” goes beyond the eyes. Although that is the first thing that we notice, it is only part of the “picture “. Our other senses play a part of that scenario which we are creating and this is a useful thing if you know how to take advantage of it. 

        It has been scientifically proven that particular sounds and smells provoke strong memories. An old song you haven’t heard in a while will immediately bring you to a specific time and place in your life. You remember every word of that song and details that were forgotten somehow are vivid now. Just like when you enter a restaurant and the aroma of a food can remind you of Grandma’s house, or pine trees make you think of Christmas, or what I get a lot since I have to use sunscreen all the time, people say it smells like the beach. 

         Since the first impression we make is so important,  the better image we present will leave a much more powerful memory. And that’s where a nice fragrance can make all the difference. Since I relate everything to a fight, this is now a winning combination.  We are well dressed ( good fit ), pleasant smile (white teeth ), and moving in for either a firm handshake or even a very light kiss on the cheek ( latina ! ). As soon as we get in that close, personal range, the fragrance kicks in, adding to an already great impression. By including another sense in the picture  ( positive) we are not only seperating ourselves from every other guy but have another element to that image. This makes you even more memorable and builds a superior resume . 

        The same way you remember what something rotting smells like, a good fragrance will always stay too. So whatever you choose to use that ” fits ” your event and personality, remember it is just as important as brushing your teeth. Because if your mouth stinks, she will never forget that either !

      As much as I tell everyone,  just go for it, start a change, the hardest advice to take is your own. As I write, post after post,  how we must be willing and determined to progress and advance in our persona, when it came to myself, I panicked. I had been trying to grow my hair a little longer, so I was accepting somewhat, a little change.  

       I have had the same hairstyle for the past 15 years. I do little variations with it , but the same comb back. Tighten the sides for the summer,  but keep it low, hiding tbe greys.  That part actually doesn’t bother me as much because I am still mostly dark on top. Facial hair , however is another story.  There it is mostly white with a dark hair occasionally,  so that gets shaved quick. But when my hair goes white,  I am ready to go with it. ( Actually have a strategy for that too, article soon ). 

      So as my hair is growing , it doesn’t exactly spread at an even pace. The sides seem to reach out,  and the top is kind of round. But I don’t want to start messing with it yet, so I grin and bear it.  I use gel, leave in conditioner ( another article ) but not much works. My patience is tested because I pretty much keep everything under control and this isn’t going as fast as i want. And suddenly I have a vacation coming up where I am meeting people for the first time and that drives me crazy. 

       So in a panic, I call the one guy I know who can relate. I explain again my turmoil to Kenia ( who gave me the answer that I already knew) and reached out to Mike . By the time I finished explaining,  he was already smiling. 2 seconds later appointment made. He says, explain to Frank exactly what you told me and trust him. 

          Next day driving through Astoria, I  spot Saloon Salon and let him do his magic. 20 minutes later, I walk out like Conor McGregor,  even though it really wasn’t a major change.  However, it was what I was looking for,  even if it was a baby step. 

     And that is what change is all about.  Every little deviation from your norm is a change for the better.  I was too comfortable and that awkward state was messing with me. But once it was channeled,  I am now ready to tread in unfamiliar waters. Once I lost that fear, uncertainty, I am ready to go, and that is when you truly grow and live up to be the Man. 

BTW:   Pic is my new favorite cologne,  Invictus by Paco Rabanne. Try it.

      As I wait here at Terminal 5 for my flight, I  realized how much it has changed. Which then had me thinking , how long have i not been inside an airport.  I have dropped people off and recieved many , but I don’t remember when I last was inside a plane.  For almost 20 years I worked for a major airline so I visited my family in California frequently.  Of course looking back I didn’t take advantage of the opportunity that the job offered to see the world but you can’t change the past, we must live in the moment. So passport in hand, sneaking by everyone because I have pre TSA check in I am drinking coffee ( no surprise ) and hoping I don’t snore on plane.

              Thinking back, I believe my last flight was 2011. It luckily was out of the US so I have a passport. I guess to make up for my long dry spell on the ground I flew 10 hours to Rio. And then 3 hours back up to the north of Brasil. Incredible trip, I really loved going there. But then as I got back to the grind time passed and I stayed put. As comfortable and happy as I was, i really never looked outside my circle. Until you do something new or different, you will never learn. And if you stop learning, you stop growing.  And while I have learned a lot about myself lately  ( which lead to the creation of this blog ), there is still a world outside for me to experience. 

         And that is the most valuable thing we can get, experience.  As we see and learn other things, it affects and influences us permanently. Just as we have great memories of good times, bad experiences teach is a lesson just as important. That famous saying about nothing growing in your comfort zone is so true. Climb in the ring, take that trip,  buy that suit, and even more important, walk confidently to that hot chick and start any bullshit banter. If she blows you off, it was bullshit anyway. But if it starts a little talk, it proves what I have been saying all along, you can be the Man .

Guys always like to talk about cars. Whether you are an expert with motors and transmissions or just like a particular car and color, it’s always an interesting topic. For some guys it becomes a status symbol. But does it really matter? How does your vehicle affect your image?

Your first car is a rite of passage all boys go through. It is your first big purchase, and responsibility. But as we grow up and either can afford a much better one or just get something that takes you around , our opinion changes. We all know the saying ” Will a Bentley take me anywhere that a Volkswagen can’t “. As true as that statement is, it is always being said by the guy driving a crappy car !  So does what you drive affect people’s impression of you? The answer is yes, but not why you would think.

The car you drive does reflect who you are , but not by price.  The type of person you are usually influences your choices ( $ also !). An outdoorsman would more than likely have a Jeep or a Truck . A guy who is into his look and status would be willing to spend money on a luxury car because he feels it fits him. But if you just use your car to get around the neighborhood, or just use it to get back and forth to work, any good reliable car is preferable. But what about the guy who doesn’t even own a car ? If you live in a big city, where there is transportation 24/7 , and parking is difficult or even worse , expensive, owning a car is unnecessary.

So does, your car reflect your image? Yes, but only if it matters to you. If you are into having a fancy car , good for you. And if it makes you feel good , it is worth every penny. But at the same time, if a car is just a tool, and you feel that it is a material expense that is of least importance to you,  you are also correct. And that also reflects who you are, not good or bad. So does it reflect who you are, yes. But does it matter, only to you and the people who really know who you are.

         Your choice of words communicate a lot more than one realizes.  While I have mentioned non verbal communication as a key part , the words you use can strengthen your message. That is why politicians have speech writers for emphasis on not just what they say but how it comes across.

        Since the image we want to project is one of confidence and strength, our words should reinforce that.  There cannot be any flexibility or doubt in any statement. Even if wrong we stand behind our words because we are confident in the decisions we make and can handle any consequences resulting. And the way we show how definite we are with our statements is by using that very word, ” definitely “. The word ” maybe ” does not exist in a strong confident mans vocabulary. We know exactly what we want.

    Which is the next word I want to mention, ” exactly “. We are very precise with what we want, no waivering or settling for anything else. You will not be convinced of anything different than the exact object which you choose. 

     My other favorite word is “absolutely “. This carries a lot of power for numerous reasons.  It’s root is absolute, which means the ultimate, supreme. This is a powerful word which only a powerful man can speak. Also it’s psychologically stronger, being multisyllable, unlike a common yes or no answer. As simple as that seems ” big ” words carry more weight. 

     Any little difference counts in distinguishing you from the average man. As a strong, powerful masculine adult everything you say and do influences and affects all who we interact with, and will leave a “definite” impression.

                      Absolutely 

BTW :  These are just my 3 favorite words. 

       While I enjoy  dressing “well”, I am not really a guy who dresses “up”. Now this is a relative comparison because dressing up is different to different people . I feel for my age and position in life ( also totally personal ), a tee shirt and sneakers aren’t appropriate daily wear anymore. Now looking back, I could have upgraded even back then. But I am not a blazer and tie guy (not yet at least ) either. A small step up is the Henley.

       This shirt was originally an undershirt that later was used by rowers in England. What distinguishes this shirt is that it has a banded collar.  This keeps it informal, like a cotton tee shirt but the buttons up front give it a polo shirt feel.  Whether long or short sleeve it is an attractive, comfortable look. Depending on the fabric , you can use it with jeans or pants and it is a good match. When  layering with a jacket or sweater, it won’t weigh you down because it is not a bulky shirt. And the Henley will always fit you well because it is loose enough to hide your faults or you can get a fitted one ( or 3 like I have ). 

      This is an easy upgrade if you have no clue about style because you can keep wearing your “regular” clothes. I always suggest gradual steps and this will allow you to start your upgrade in fashion and more important, developing your own style.

            The most important factor in your choice of clothing is the fit. You want something that compliments your body. Emphasis on your strengths and hiding your flaws. It also has to go according to the image you are creating, whether professional or casual . 

      But the most important element of that fit is mental. You must be comfortable in your look.  Not just how it looks, but how you feel wearing it. That’s why I say if you are making a drastic change you must be gradual with every step. Don’t buy a suit that you will either be awkward in or worse, never wear. Try a shirt, with just regular pants that you wear . If it is shoes you are upgrading you can’t jump to formal if you are in sweatpants all the time. 

       But as you gradually change your wardrobe you upgrade your mind. Each progressive step is a major step for your imagr. And as your image improves, so will your confidence.

         I have a strange relationship with food. I really have no appetite.  I can miss a meal or 2 and not affect me at all. Unless I think about it,  whether it is lunch , a snack or a holiday meal, it really doesn’t matter to me. I enjoy food, but a sliver of rich cheesecake ( thanks Jessy) can hold me over for the next few years. 1 potato chip, 1 oreo cookie, 1 jelly bean satisfies that urge to taste. 

     So it is no surprise that being overweight is not a problem . However being on weight or under does not imply healthy.  We all have nutritional needs for general basic health. The problem is meeting all the required amounts. And that isn’t necessarily based on government standards. Those are just guidelines for the average person. You should tweak those numbers to your needs, whether it be based on health or your lifestyle. 

       If you are trying to lose or gain weight, calories are important numbers to watch. But you can adjust even further by controlling the amount of carbohydrates and protein you intake. In order to build muscle I have to force myself to eat and use supplements.  So the better you know and take care of your body,  it is much easier to control your weight and energy needs.

      And that is the other problem people have. There is lots of info out there about nutrition, but until you commit to follow a plan , it cannot take effect. Like anything else you choose to do, your effort is the factor of success or failure. You have to make it so important to you that it eliminates all distractions and eventually becomes a habit.

         There is a saying in fashion that it is better to be overdressed than underdressed.  I am 90% casual so in order to upgrade my look I select a long sleeve shirt or sweater and wear dress shoes or boots. These changes totally affect the image because I am also very comfortable with either option. 

      I tend to wear jeans all the time. I have a lighter , straight leg pair that are my weekend running around Jean. But I have a bunch of dark and black jeans that are the staple of wardrobe. Last summer I added a couple of cotton, chino type pants that feel like jeans ( Old Navy ) to the closet in order to expand the palate.  But the whole look depends on my shirts and shoes. 

       The same jeans with a Henley shirt ( my go to, and next article ) and Vans slip on, have a total different look when I wear a fitted polo shirt and loafers.  But I can take my girlfriend out with a nice pressed long sleeve white shirt, a shot of cologne ( do it ! ) and my dress boots with those same jeans. 

     The key is to be as flexible as you can with what you already have. If you can mix and match items you can create many looks with the same articles. The shoes, which must be cleaned every time you wear them are the factoring point of whether a look works or doesn’t.  A scuffed, muddy untied shoe drags the eyes down and kills the image you just created.

       A huge part of a man’s image are his hands. I put a lot of importance in handshakes. It sets the stage for all your interactions with people because that is the first physical contact we make. And by you reaching first you also are the aggressor,  especially with a strong firm grip. 

       But even the very appearance and texture if your hands matter. If you work a dirty job there is the risk of staining your skin and nails. Although your hands may be clean , those stains can seem dirty to the person you are greeting. The same goes for split and dry skin. Harsh conditions, whether work or exposure to extreme heat or cold affect your skins health. A good exfoliant, soap or brush will help smooth you hands. But the most important care you need for your hands is a moisturizer.  This not only looks good it also gives you a soft touch. No need to caress a woman with sandpaper. 

        However there is another part of the hand that most men neglect or deal with other issues, the nails. I have had a problem with nail biting all my life, and while I have worked on improving all aspects of my appearance,  this is my most difficult battle. Biting your nails leave them with a jagged, uneven look and the very habit is a nervous insecure look. Everything negative for a strong alpha male. I have had success with clear nail polish but you must keep on it and I have not. 

       But the progress and development of the new and improved image is a process, we must take it day by day. There is no quick fix, although a manicure will give an immediate result. Every little detail matters and one must continue the journey.

            It’s hard to tell whether the mental aspect leads the physical or visa versa, but there is a definite connection.  Even though we break things down to simplify and better understand things, we are the union of those parts, not just a collection.  Once all the parts are in sync,  total performance multiplies.  

      In order to polish or improve on any aspect of our life, we must isolate our strengths and weaknesses in order to see where to start. As we build and strengthen our weaknesses, it also builds our confidence.  That’s why exercise is the easiest place to start you path of self improvement.  We can measure our results as we improve. You can now do more push-ups than before, lift heavier weight or know exactly how much weight you have lost or gained. 

      Now just putting on a new shirt does add to your image, it won’t affect you if you don’t feel confident and improved. You are now just a hangar, it is not part of you, which is the whole purpose of upgrading your look. But when you are feeling better about yourself,  mentally and physically,  a change in attire adds to that positive mood.

      So while the parts do add up to the whole, there is no one issue that dominates. Even if you start from a more advanced point ; already in great shape, there is always room for improvement. However the parts don’t matter if it doesn’t benefit the total package.  Becoming a huge bodybuilder won’t help your look the same way buying an expensive watches you really can’t afford that you now hardly wear will either. 

       Keep in mind your goals and have realistic views. Everything will fall into place once you believe in yourself and your efforts. The greatest judge isn’t some chick or your buddies who are now jealous because you’ve  ” changed”, but to convince yourself that you are a better man and now are living up to your potential.

        It’s been a while since I posted here, something that I promised myself wouldn’t happen. But I’ve been really busy, some good some even better. I’d like to think that all that has occurred is a result of my lifestyle changes but it may just be coincidence. Either way , I know as I have improved myself,  the odds were much better in achieving the run of success that I am now experiencing.

   Instead of just covering a particular topic, ( which I have so many to share ), instead I am going to mention a few random tips which I  have been doing lately.

     1 is a homemade  facial exfoliant and moisturizer.  You take equal parts olive oil and coffee ( raw , right out of the can since I like Bustelo). Mix them up and rub on face and neck. The olive oil moisturizes and the grounds are abrasive so they exfoliate. Plus the caffeine helps tighten the skin . If you have dry skin or are exposed to the elements,  I suggest you leave it on for a few minutes to soak in your skin. I do this almost every night but I go hard on everything i do or don’t care, no balance in my life.

    However, if you just need a good facial cleanser that cleans and leaves your face soft ( elasticity is key ) you must use Purpose. This product is fragrance free and leaves no residue. Since I know most of my subscribers are young, this definitely is something that would benefit. 

     Another product I recently purchased, ( Amazon loves me ) is called Collar Perfect. A very obvious sign of either an old or poor quality shirt is a floppy limp collar. ( 2 words no man ever wants describing him ). Sometimes just 1 wash deteriorates a decent looking shirt, especially a Polo Shirt  ( which I have deep thoughts on for the future ). However, this product is a little iron which is handheld and presses your collar like new. A good shirt can use collar stays ( look that up ) , but a quick press will make any collar  look good again. A weak collar, like bad teeth draw the eye so you need to keep sharp in order to work your magic . Especially since under a sweater or vest this is the only part of the shirt that is seen. 

      Every little edge you gain makes a difference . So as you build the Arsenal of the new man, these habits will improve that image. And as your image grows, so does your confidence. And all of these elements bring you closer to being the Superior Man you have inside of you.

    The hardest part to maintain in a fitness program is the diet. Exercise and sleep are just as important but diet is the 24/7 battle. And since the rest of our lives continues on, so does the battle to maintain proper nutrition. The simple  ( and correct ) answer is to prepare your own food for all of your meals and snacks.

     However,  we never seem to have enough time, bother to shop enough for at least bringing your lunch or think about it until you are waiting in line for something you know you shouldn’t be eating. So the key is preparation,  not just your meals but to have proper ingredients and snacks in order to maintain your dietary needs. 

    If you know sweets are your weakness, keep lots of fruit on hand so you can satisfy that urge and supply your body with a healthy alternative. Grapes, raisins, any nuts or berries are easy to carry and munch on without being an inconvenience.  Learn to like yogurt,  hummus as opposed to ice cream and dips for those salted snacks that are always sold in the largest bags. 

     The less availability of unhealthy foods, lead to less temptation.  By always having healthy alternatives within reach there is little chance to make the wrong choice. And that is totally in your control. Make sure your kitchen does not have things that do not benefit your goals. The cleaner you eat, the quicker and longer lasting results will be achieved and be more visible. That change inspires continued effort and solidifies that you will continue towards your goals.

     As your body continues to develop, so does your will, both things that distinguish the Alpha from the weak. That will takes charge in the gym, at the job and in the bedroom because you are gaining confidence in yourself and all that you do.

        We should always be in a state of motion. Both physically and mentally.  How we move and for what purpose is individual, because  the worst thing we can do is get stuck. You can pause, or wait if it is beneficial at that moment. But there is always room for progress and improvement.  Even if you take baby steps, go for it. It is too easy to get lazy comfortable or distracted.  

      The most important element of all is yourself. The root of all your dreams, actions and desires is your true essence. Once you are aware of who you are and what you want ( which is a never ending process ), your thoughts and actions will follow.  However,  as you mature,  you grow into another version of yourself so you now have to act accordingly. That doesn’t mean you lose who you once were but you now have a different purpose in life. You are still the man you have always been, but now you may have added father, husband, employee, entrepreneur or whatever responsibilities you chose. This adds to your value as a human being and as a man. 

      One of the best books I have read as far as recognizing the man in you , especially in relation to women is ” The Way of the Superior Man ” by David Deira. He explains how man has changed in time but man and woman will never change. There is a necessity for a man to be masculine and more importantly allow a woman to be comfortable in her femininity.  As we feel the need to hold back or change who we are, no matter what society implies, we are fighting nature and our true meaning as men. This doesn’t mean we have to be so macho ( as I have confused myself in the past ) but honest with who we are, and accepting of what we are not.

       The hardest truth to accept Is your own. But as you grow up , eventually you have no choice and as you realize who you really are, everything makes sense and there is true meaning in your actions. There isn’t always a ground breaking moment but you will recognize signs . And as you continue up the path of life, certain things we be clear and others will be just as confusing. Keep focused and keep moving because nobody is going to walk it for you. 

      Winter is my least favorite season. The sun rises late and it is night early in the afternoon.  Of course that I work outside is my biggest complaint ( however that is my choice ). With snow, wind and freezing temperatures,  there aren’t many positive things to say.

     But from a style point of view it is a great season.  There are many options available due to the elements and degree of chill in the air. The key is layering. How you can build your look, whether it be active, formal, business, is totally in your hands. You already have all the basics in your wardrobe, it is by combining or just adding a middle layer to this. The key is simplicity.

     The bottom layer is the lightest or base of the wardrobe. A long sleeve the shirt or button down is a good start. Sweaters are a safe middle layer because they are there for insulation. Either a cardigan or a sportier v neck are good choices. I have a sweater vest I have been planning on wearing which might be my new years eve outfit. Then whatever coat or jacket fits the occasion. 

   A good thing with layering is that you can remove the middle layer and still have a new days wardrobe because nobody saw the shirt. Just don’t do it on consecutive days. I sometimes wear a short sleeve Polo Shirt (if not so cold) as the bottom layer because the only part exposed is the collar. These options expand you choices and look because you can mix what you already have. And if you are new to experimenting with clothes, you can slowly try different combinations until you get confident enough to spend on cashmere and other fabrics that will really upgrade your image !

       I find the hardest thing to do when starting a new endeavor  or trying to get back into something isn’t the first step. A lot of people can try and start an action but to follow through and stay motivated is the big struggle.  Most gyms and Dojo’s get a big rush of customers every January.  Tons of people say to themselves,  “This year is going to be different. I am going to change.” And for about a month they go fast and furious. By the next month they start missing days and March they are done. 

      However if you find yourself in that position you cannot let go because it becomes even more difficult to return as time passes.  Go even 1 a week,  not to lose whatever progress, especially mentally.  Hopefully you may get that energized feeling again or at least keep your body active. You will respond to even a minimal amount of stimulation.  My son calls that stimulation, waking up your muscles.  The longer you let them sleep, the harder it becomes to snap out of it. 

    We usually stress ourselves out more than necessary.  But a missed workout, or a bad workout or even a short one will not damage you. As long as you continue, you are still on the path, or as martial artists know, The Way. Failure is only when you quit. Stopping for what ever reason isn’t the end. Consider it just a pause.  That is eliminated once you get up and start again. 

A champion gets up even when he can’t 

Jack Dempsey 

    When you finally decided it’s time to either change , expand , or upgrade your look the biggest problem is where do I go from here. Do I just run out and get a suit ? Grab  fashion magazine and it will break the bank, or you will end up finding nothing you would wear. Celebrities have designers make them clothes or usually a brand that they sell. 

    But first you must decide what style fits you, professionaly and personal.  Do you have a dress code at work, which also includes uniforms. Is your job a field position? Either way you can put your personal style in your dress. 

    The most important quality is the fit. Even if it is a standard uniform, you can make sure that it compliments your body. Keep it neat and unwrinkled , collars sharp . 

    When a jacket or suit is called for , your shirts and shoes are where you have room to individualize. Shirts have limits however to how wild you can go, depending on your workplace.  A hip , young environment has more variety than an office. Your shoes are where you can expand your selection which will also allow other accessories. 

   With better shoes go more stylistic watches. While shoes are definitely the better investment,  a good watch really stands out. Don’t get fooled by brand names if you can’t afford them, just make sure the quality is there. A lot of top watch companies make lower end products that are high quality at an affordable price. As long as you start small, 1 article at a time you will make a difference in how you appear to others and most importantly to yourself. 

  The biggest leap one must take in the transition to being a better man is mental. It’s easy to pick up a weight, and even easier to put on a shirt but all of that is meaningless if you don’t have a purpose. Once you understand the reason for these actions and more importantly the need to take action, you will truly progress. It will no longer be a struggle but now a challenge to your old self. You now have a firm grip on the hammer and chisel because you are commited to sculpt a new you, not accept what has happened in the past.

   There are many guys who lift consistently and show no gains, in muscle and barely in strength. Part is genetics but a larger part is in the mind. They don’t challenge themselves in the gym , doing the same workouts with the same weight. They don’t stick to a diet that can benefit their goals. Sometimes a small tweak sparks a major change if you allow it. But you must be open to change . 

   And the only way you can honestly change is to admit the need. Not to totally change who you are but to face the fact that there is room for improvement in any part of your life. As we grow up ( or old in my case ) our position in life changes , for the better, and we must adapt to this. You were a teen, then either college student or right to work. A big step there. Later an employee, some became fathers ,  husbands which added responsibility in all situations .  This progress as a man forces you to think and act differently in order to succeed in the role you have know chosen .  And that is a major statement, to live the life you have CHOSEN .  A grown man doesn’t blame anyone for the decisions he has made, good or bad. He charges forward because there is nothing that can change the past, but the present is here and now , which is in our hands. 

   As you decide the course your life will take, even if it is to continue what you are currently doing ,  it will now have a new outlook .  You have decided what you do, how you do it and why. Sometimes it is out of necessity ,  but your decisions are for the greater picture of your life, not just for a paycheck on Friday. Anj job can do that, and if this job only provides that, then you either need a better paying job, or a job that provides future growth, or allows you to do what you really desire. I never had a career, only jobs. As a head of household ,  I was responsible for others, which was my main priority .  But I had 2 great jobs which allowed me to pursue what I desired. And I never lost focus of why I stuck to those choices, as difficult as many days were. As long as I believed in me, my choices were now my conviction .  I am not a victim of my circumstances but a creator, even with things out of my control .  Because in order for things to happen , I have to put myself in position for that. Which are all choices I have made because I am strong enough to have learned from the past and now smart enough to see my future .