Category: self improvement

10/28/16

by betheman2016, posted in Mind, self improvement

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   The key to accomplishing any goal is the effort you put in. No matter how small or minor it is as far as the big picture, what you give is always related to what you get back. If you are not dedicated to your goal, it will be that much more difficult to reach. Now some people have a natural talent for things but for the most part we all have to work hard.

  Now trying hard is important but more valuable is consistency. A one time shot is interesting but in order for to truly learn anything you must put time in. No matter how hard you work, one must follow through. I have seen many students at the dojo who train like maniacs , but they show up once every couple of weeks so there is no progress. They are always at the starting stage, never gaining any momentum or familiarity . And that goes beyond just the physical but the mental state also. The more you do anything , the better you will be. Even small, regular effort gives results.

   So if you start dressing slightly better, every day, it becomes a more comfortable and familiar it will be. If you chose to be a little more social and break out of your shell with women, it needs to be done as much as possible. Eventually it loses the fear factor and becomes a regular part of your persona. It will no longer be something new you are trying but who you now are. Just as exercising becomes a new habit, so will upgrading your clothing style . And the key to all improvement is your mindset. As long as you are totally convinced and dedicated to the process , you will succeed. You must be willing to go every day towards your goal. But if you work consistently, and take advantage of every opportunity to improve , you will triumph.

10/18/16

by betheman2016, posted in Fitness, self improvement

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   Since my last post was very serious, I had to approach the next topic with a different attitude. It is the least necessary but the most sought after and the most noticed by both sexes. It is the hardest to get  (calves are a close second ) yet most want them. It is abs , the six-pack, that ripped midsection. There are tons of guys with huge chests and arms with big bellies.  Some are hard as a brick wall but round and protruding, killing the aesthetic look.

   Now the most common cliché, which is 100%  true is, abs are built in the kitchen. Your diet is the determining factor in the amount of definition on your body.  There are skinny guys with little muscle development who are ripped when they flex. But in order to put on size and strength , you need to put in those calories. And if you don’t have a high metabolism , do lots of cardio and follow a strict clean diet, it won’t matter. You can have the strongest abs, with the hardest development and it may never be visible. Or what is even worse, you can flex and look great , but relax and be soft and stick out.

   The big dilemma with abs are , deep defined cuts aren’t a show of strength or power, like other muscles. The true strength of abs is the abdominal wall. If you look at fighters, who unquestionably have to have the strongest stomach , they aren’t slim and cut like a bodybuilder , but solid and may even stand out. the cuts and definition isn’t from the ab work , but from the stamina training and cutting weight. Deep cuts, obliques and serratus development mean nothing if they can’t absorb strikes for possibly 30 minutes.

  Yet everyone admires that six pack.  Womens eyes open wide when a model or their favorite pretty boy actor shows off that stomach. Military screams “Stomach in chest out ” ! I work my stomach a lot, part as a martial artist and part for the look ( a big part ), so whenever I talk about my scars ( last post ) , I always show the one on my stomach. It always gets a reaction because I can show off and get the sympathy at the same time ( whatever it takes ! )

   So is it important to have a six pack ? The simple answer is no. However that doesn’t mean be soft and pudgy. Develop a hard flat stomach and if you are genetically gifted ( the other cliche ) it will come. Like bicep peaks, some have it and others no matter how hard you try , just don’t show. That doesn’t mean either are impossible, but you have to dedicate a lot of time and effort , to the point of obsession.

    One of the main things I do to achieve this look is to keep as much tension as possible on my stomach. Whether working out or just sitting around. Isometrics are a big part of my workout, as a bodybuilder and a martial artist. That tension keep the abs in a tight hard state as much as possible. It maintains the flatness while I do my crunches and hours later ( even after my many mugs of Bustelo). While you are sitting, whether in your car or anyplace,  suck in and flex your stomach hard and hold as long as possible. An old school strongman exercise is the vacuum. The would suck in their stomach so hard the ribs would stick out. The classic physique was broad shoulder, small waist. If you see the recent Mr. Olympia competition, they all have big, ripped, protruding bellies. Not the look most want to achieve.

     But wide shoulders and a solid waist will always look good with whatever your style is because your selection is now limitless. You don’t have to worry how clothes will appear on you because you will now shape the clothes. And when she sees how good you look in those clothes, and you feel as positive and confident with your physique, you won’t be wearing them much longer !

10/16/16

by betheman2016, posted in Mind, self improvement

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   This past Wednesday I got another slap in the face from reality. I am 99% positive, happy outgoing but there is that occasional moment when you can’t dodge the bullet. I have been fighting skin cancer for a while , which isn’t that big a deal most of the time. You get your annual ( 6 months for me) body scan and if there is anything suspicious they remove and send to lab for biopsy. Sometimes the very removal takes care of everything, other times it requires surgery ( like in my case) or more aggressive treatment. Now this was my 4th biopsy that returned anormal and 3rd that required surgery ( excision) . Luckily I walked in and walked out ( thanks Joanne) in under a half hour.

   But what if that wasn’t the case?  The danger of skin cancer is that if unchecked, can run anywhere else in your body and possibly develop into a serious and possibly mortal disease. So every time we go for a check up , especially as we get older, there is always a chance of not so great news. Which means that our endless time on this planet is actually coming closer to an end. So every day we have left should be very important because there will be an end.

    Which makes every decision you now make extremely important. Usually we go through life doing our thing and always having tomorrow to continue, correct or eliminate our actions. But once there is a finish line present, even if we don’t see it our time is extremely valuable because it now has a limit. And the key word in this is ACTION. We now must do. Any procrastination is a loss because that is one day less of living the life we want. Even if you have 10 – 20 -30 years to go , that still is a limit. So every day that you don’t take that trip you always dream about it becomes further and further away from you. That car you wished you had ( if that is important to you ) will never be in your view if you don’t make every effort to get it. That hot girl you know but are so stuck in the friend zone, or worse she doesn’t even notice you, will never be on your arm ( in your bed soon after) if you don’t make that move to stand out and have her want you.

    So every fucking day you must make a difference. Every morning you wake up has to have a goal, something must be accomplished. Even if your goal is just to hang out , do it with a purpose. Embrace the Sun, enjoy the sounds of the world, even be nice to people, especially those you don’t know or don’t deserve it. Everything matters. Love your family, your friends and most important yourself.

10/9/16

by betheman2016, posted in Mind, self improvement

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   One of the key elements of any personal growth is not on the surface but how we feel internally. We can buy many great suits, expensive watches and drive luxurious cars , but these will always just be things that people notice, instead of you. The man must improve the same as the other outer parts of his life do. And the way this shows is in his attitude towards life. The calm confidence of Jason Statham ( I love those Transporter movies) in a tuxedo is the same when he wears a sweat shirt. You have to be comfortable in your own skin, no matter what is covering it. And that is all in your hands.

   Once you start eating right and exercising, your body will respond by showing the desired look. This makes your clothes feel and look better. Now as you start adding new attire to this improved body people will begin to notice. Whether you get comments or just long curious looks, a change is happening. While they at first only see the external, the bigger change is within. You have now determined to improve yourself so your appearance is only part of this process. However the greatest improvement starts within. Just by making the decision to improve your health and appearance  a change has occurred. But in order to succeed you must belive in yourself. As you continue to develop on the outside,  you grow in confidence.  So no matter who doubts or questions or even ridicules your appearance you must be strong willed. Those reactions are not only challenging you but also reflecting themselves.

   You are no longer ” one of the guys ” . Women will no longer ignore you but will test you because you have now distanced yourself from the crowd. And that my friend is the true show of progress. When others recognize your new found prowess that is your new gauge. Every step you take to improve is a threat to all. Your buddies not only see you growing, they have to face their own weakness . Women notice longer have the upper hand any more because you are leveling the field. And once you flash the pearly white smile ( that I  showed you how to get last post ) , you are now displaying more weapons. This is a totally different man than they have been accustomed to and as you continue to improve,  so does the belief in yourself .

9/15/16

by betheman2016, posted in Mind, self improvement

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   Communication is key to any relationship. Personal or professionally, we speak beyond our words. Our tone of voice and body language influence more than what we are saying. Before you open your mouth people are already getting a message. So it is very important that we present an image that conveys a positive presence. If it is someone we are meeting for the first time, that first impression is vital.

   More important than what we are wearing is how we are wearing it. Your posture , smile, eye contact send an image that speaks much louder than any words. It actually influences how they feel which is stronger than what they hear. A confident, powerful attitude is present from the moment you are in sight. Since I am short, I am always standing straight , with my chin up , not to the point of arrogance ( unless you are a weak jealous guy staring at the interaction) but creating an aura of self assurance. My shoulders are squared back , showing a masculine presence without flexing but  with calm poise. Always maintaining eye contact since that tells as much about you as any pick up lines you think you might need. Like 2 prizefighters facing off in the center of the ring, your focus will not be challenged, just not so intense!  A strong handshake also lets all know you are a person of character . And actually the less you say at first is better since that allows the person to take you in before anything else influences that image. They will tend to trust what they believe they see before you add ( or detract) from that illusion you have created. Any forced actions will come across as phony and can damage all the positive aura .

  So when anyone sees you , whether testing you as a female studies all men, or in the workplace, you come across as strong, confident and cool. And just as they believe it, so do you because you are living that alpha personality. And the more you remember to follow these concepts, they become a natural part of you. It is no longer the image you are creating but truly the image of who you are.

8/29/16

by betheman2016, posted in self improvement, Style

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 While I always want to keep a clean simple look, there are small details that can make a big impression. I prefer a basic fitted look because it presents our best assets while keeping a mature yet attractive appearance. Now the exact details on how to dress are not the focus of this post,however it still doesn’t mean that anything you throw on will look good. You have to recognise certain styles fit your demeanor and body type . That is only found through trial and error, or you can get professional help, like in my case , I contact my good friend, suitaddiction.com and he will meet me to solve any questions and stop me from spending too much money . Because expensive does not equal better .

   By selecting the right accessories, we can take a nice shirt and pants and make you stand out in a room of average guys. I always wear a watch but depending on my footwear, that is how I select which to use. Leather shoes, usually dictate a leather watch and belt. I can also wear a metal watchband, but it will not be a sporty or casual one. I mentioned belt because the typical belt shoe synchronicity should be followed. Not so exact with color, but with the finish; shiny or matte. The watch must always fit the shoes because the belt may not show but your hands and feet are always present. Whether sneakers, loafers or wingtips, women will always look and as you reach to shake hands ( my move) she sees your watch next and then your SMILE ( a whole post or 2 in itself ) !

  The more casual your look, the more variety you can have with these choices , as long as they play together. But a nice, not necesarily expensive watch and good, clean shoes and a well kept belt will be the details that make you shine.

8/12/16

by betheman2016, posted in Fitness, self improvement

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  While any exercise program is useful, one has to have a goal to truly maximize the effort. The first step of course is to actually get up and move. In this case a basic fitness program will do . but eventually you will progress and need to refocus. Which is also what anyone who is active and even works out somewhat has to consider. The new man we are creating has a physical presence that draws respect and attention, from both men and women. So just getting in shape is ok for the average man, but we are seeking beyond average , common, boring. The new body we are creating has a dual purpose, one is to show the world, and more important to fortify your own image of who you want to be. As you develop that body, your confidence grows also. Changes in your posture, energy and aura develop with your muscles.

  With modern science we can now totally construct the body we desire. We can build , mold and sculpt our physique to practically the exact form we want, within our physical and genetic limits. Where you are weak, you can now strengthen. Your fat or soft areas can now be reduced and develop the muscles associated. We are all bodybuilders, from the moment we start feeding ourselves. Now if you choose to eat poorly and not exercise, that is the body you are building. But now with a goal, a vision, your body image is a real attainable goal that you should be focused on. And as your body progresses, so will your pride, confidence and masculinity.

by betheman2016, posted in Mind, self improvement

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The most important person you have to convince is yourself. If you are not totally committed to create, change and polish the new person you are becoming you will never succeed.  The main reason is it is not an act. You are truly becoming the real person you have always had buried inside. If that inner strength has no support , how can it manifest to the world ? The true goal of this mission is to develop you. A  better life, dating women respect from others, confidence in your appearance will be by products of this transition, not the focus. If you don’t feel your positive powerful persona, how will it reach out to others? This is your main motivation, the pursuit. The end result is just another step that will be reached once you have taken all the previous steps. If you jump to the end, it will be of no value. As you grow into the man you wish to be, there has to be trial and error . Since this is all new territory for you , what you would like and what you are truly capable of being are two separate things. Not all styles will suit you or be comfortable to you. To just imitate a celebrity is not becoming a man, it is just playing dress up. Owning that shirt, enjoying those shoes, showing that incredible smile are for more valuable than anything off a hangar.

by betheman2016, posted in self improvement, Style, Uncategorized

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   The first factor and most important when selecting clothing is fit. Fashion, fabric, color and any other option is secondary. No matter how expensive, great quality, or design the article has, if the fit is poor it will always look bad. Most men dress way too big for their size and this creates a bad image. Although the main choice for the average man is comfort, that goes against what we need to project in order to upgrade our look. If you are heavy and your shirt is very loose it makes you look even heavier. There is no end to your body in the shirt so wherever the fabric goes, it becomes you. And a droopy, saggy cloth creates a more damaging illusion. The same goes if you are thin. The wide neck and sleeves make you look even skinnier. Since there is little form within, all we see are elbows and adams apple. However too tight shows bones on the slender and fat on the large man.

So the fit has to flatter the chest and shoulders. Notice when you get a fitted shirt it goes by  neck, chest and sleeve length. Important details. What is exposed, you want to present in the best light so you want to draw the eye to chest and shoulders, even if you aren’t muscular. Only other guys care if you have huge muscles. But when you bring up all of your attributes, it will show your strengths and downplay your weaknesses.

With the right fit a plain shirt will always look good. A designer shirt that is too big will lose value. Clean , neat , and good fit always beats a heavy price tag. A Timex watch can finish a look ( see Daniel Craig ) as well as a Rolex worth thousands that slides up and down your arm. Would you wear expensive shoes that are very tight?  But clean , polished basic shoes are a great touch ( and important to women) . They pay close attention to shoes, watch and belt, and smile. They know a man who pays attention to detail can appreciate a good woman.

by betheman2016, posted in Fitness, self improvement

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The hardest part of any program is the diet. You can exercise for an hour and it is done. Sleep is more of a scheduling process but nutrition is a 24 hour issue. Now you are eating with a purpose, not just getting 3 meals in a day. What your goals are determine your diet. Your protein, carbs and fat intake will affect the results you are looking for. But so will the snacks and other temptations available. However it is not as complicated as people scare themselves to believe. Magazines and YouTube have lots of programs designed for people losing weight, gaining muscle, get shredded and all other body sculpting. But for the average guy, counting calories to the extreme, measuring every item is not necessary. What you have to make sure is that you always eat clean ( natural unprocessed ). Preparing your own food leaves no room for error, guarantees the quality of your meals and most important, doesn’t allow bad foods to sneak into the menu. The same goes for your snacks. When you have your snacks with you , it keeps all salty , sugary foods away. Yet if that is your desire, you must find healthy alternatives that satisfy, not sacrifice. Those harsh diets are for professional athletes who have nutritionists, not a working man who has to live a normal life. Replace candy with grapes, raisins cherries, strawberries. Approach your new diet from the point of view of looking for what you can eat, not what you can’t. Try not to leave many meals in the hands of others because there is where you can fail.

However don’t go crazy if there is a day that you don’t have the dinner according to plan. Or you go out to lunch and eat like everyone else. One bad meal will not affect your goals. The same way one salad does not make you a vegetarian. But never forget you had many years of cheat meals which you are now trying to correct. So while we have to be realistic about how strict we are with ourselves , there has to be total dedication in order to succeed. And once committed to the process, all other aspects of your growth to being the man you are creating will all be attainable.

by betheman2016, posted in Mind, self improvement

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One cannot rush the process. As you advance in your improvements, you have to take the time to allow the changes to become part of you. We have to stop looking for the finished product but absorb the steps taken to reach there. If you were to do all the steps needed it would not be an improvement in yourself. It becomes a costume that you put on for that moment. Since it is an actual change in you , you have to become the new version of you, not just look and act like that. There are 2 big problems with this action. One is that you will not  be comfortable in your own skin . You will not feel relaxed or confident because you are just wearing the look. That is the big difference between fashion and style. Fashion is what you buy, style is how you wear it. Just like karate, if I put a black belt around your waist, that does not make you a black belt. BTW, I would NEVER do that anyway ! The whole purpose of belt progression is a gauge of your ascent . As you advance in rank your technique improves so you become a good green belt, brown belt and so on. And in life, just like karate you will be tested . And the white belt with a black belt around his waist will be exposed brutally. In society you can only fake so much . Especially with women who are constantly analyzing and testing you. I call this the Patroclus syndrome. Patroclus was Achilles best friend and during the Trojan war, Achilles was angry with leadership so refused to fight. As the tide turned against them without him in the battlefield, Patroclus puts on Achilles armor and charges into battle. At first the Trojans ran in fear and he killed many but eventually as he engaged in more combat they saw he wasnt the same warrior and he died and the armor was stolen. And that false show will come crumbling down on you when you become exposed.

And that is the other problem. While there will be obstacles with in this growth , you have to find yourself in the course. Through trial and error, you find what works for you as an individual. We are all unique so maybe certain things may not fit you others may just need a little tweaking. But the only way you can find your niche is through experimentation. I can tell you how to fight but if you never climb in the ring It is just words. In order to develop, one must succeed and fail until you either find what works for you or find another angle to reach your goals. If you allow those losses to stop you progress it may be more harmful because you havent learned anything. Your vision has to be on finding what does give you the results you need , not focus on what has worked for others but somehow isn’t allowing you that level of success. The transition is necessary in order to develop that best version of yourself. Just let it happen, and you will become the man you know is within you. You are capable of being that man. All the time that you havent found him makes the path longer but not impossible. Let the true you awaken .

by betheman2016, posted in Mind, self improvement

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An important part of your transition is keeping motivated. At first the quick basic changes are obvious but most others take time. The action you take for improvement is more than just doing it. Whether it is improving your non verbal communication, upgrading your wardrobe, or a more drastic attitude development, it goes way beyond that moment.

What you do at that moment , while is a major accomplishment at that time is still just valuable for that moment. That is why it is difficult for you even to be comfortable and confident. Since it is a change, the difference is external and more so internal. It is vital that you adjust to the new you, and as time goes on, and you continue to make progress, it becomes more familiar and comfortable. The habit now is a natural part of your being as it is now a regular action. The opposite is when you where clothes that make you feel awkward, hesitate when you need to be strong, and worse doubt your motives because you still don’t believe in yourself. If you aren’t confident in yourself, how will anyone else see what you are capable of. Like every martial artist knows, the more you practice the better you get. The better you get the harder you practice because your improvement carries beyond your actions and now become part of you.

by betheman2016, posted in Mind, self improvement

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Taking the first step is the hardest. We all know a change to this has been long due but there are usually two obstacles. One is the fear of change. Worrying about what people are going to think or if you can even pull it off yourself are common doubts. The most important element of this is your desire to break out of your funk and become the man you want to be. Most negative comments are people who are so used to seeing you bland and boring . However your greatest critics will be your own friends who are jealous now seeing you develop into a better man and they are stuck in the past. The other problem is not really knowing where to look for info on the changes you need. Having a big makeover is very difficult to maintain and even accept. So one step at a time is the best approach. Get a good $ haircut, and take care of your face. This is a quick easy upgrade that is easy to maintain. A good clean shave is always a good look but if you prefer facial hair keep it very manicured. This leave less room for error as it starts to grow out. Shaving exfoliates but a good soap or creme a few days a week keep dead skin off which keep skin healthy and less visible wrinkles. A big improvement will come when you moisturize. This gives a glow to your skin and hides all flaws. No big expensive products are needed, just be consistent. Sleep and drinking water will give your body the help it need to improve your face.

Exercise makes a quick easy improvement. Weight ( or any resistance ) help your image, which is muscles, posture, and energy. As your body improves it allows your clothes to look better on the new improved frame. All these changes create an upgraded image and activates a new confidence . Where you first had to convince yourself that these improvements might help,you now see how you feel, and the biggest feedback is how everyone else reacts. Guys are peeking envious glances at your rebirth and women will be looking at you in a whole different way.

by betheman2016, posted in Fitness, self improvement

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There are small quick adjustments you can do to improve your image. It’s not a quick fix but it is the beginning of the correct path you need to improve. The purpose of this isn’t to fix but a quick band-aid. One of the most common flaws of most men is their posture. Whether it’s from sitting for hours all day or just a tired, too relaxed slouch it is a poor reflection of yourself. It makes you appear smaller, weak and less masculine. All things you definitely do not want men or even less women to think about you. With a jaw line horizontal to the ground, shoulder squared, chest out ( not protruding however) it gives the image of a strong , confident man. When that man walks in a room people notice, not flashy or exaggerated but respected for who he is , even if nobody knows who the hell that guy is. A good firm handshake always gets a great reaction from men and even women since that is also uncommon today. Not that insecure challenging crush but a strong, firm held a second or two longer than normal always gets a positive reaction. But what really creates a great image is a focused gaze. Not a psychotic nonblinking stare but 100% interested, paying attention to all details . When you start looking away, darting your eyes all over it comes off like you are scared, uncomfortable and weak. Women love to test you and try to read you by your eyes , especially where  and when you look away. Fighters walk straight at each other before the fight to intimidate and show no fear just before the bell rings. While your battle may not be as dangerous, you are being judged and evaluated especially at first glance. With just these few fixes you can create a strong positive masculine image.

by betheman2016, posted in Fitness, self improvement

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The secret to strength training is no secret. We all know what needs to be done to lose weight and or build muscle. Eat less and exercise is basically for weight loss, and eat ,exercise and rest build muscle. All new programs are just different packaging of same old concepts. All new exercise machines are just modern ways to provide resistance, which is all we ever needed to build muscle. We are so caught up in the newest and easiest way to getting and in shape that we have overlooked what has always worked for hundreds and even thousands of years
As time went on, our concept of power and strength changed. Originally strength started as function but later became sensory. We saw pumped up bodies, are entertained by over developed athletes. But for the common man strength and muscle never changed.